I am marathon training right now and realizing that running a marathon is harder than I remember. I think I sugar coat it and forget about how hard and exhausting it really is. Well, right now I am having a harsh reminder that the marathon isn't all "awesome" and "amazing" and "the best thing ever". It's hard, its exhausting, its draining, its time consuming, did I mention exhausting? Because it is, exhausting. I was telling my mom that I think there is a season in life for everything, and right now, running just doesn't seem to be the season I'm in. I am committed to this race and I will do it and try to do my best, but I just feel like I don't have the energy it takes to be a crazy marathon runner like I was before. I like running, but when you are training and feel so drained, running isn't the release that it should be, its another stressor. I hate that. I don't want running to ever loose its magic and therapeutic benefits, so I think after this marathon, I am going to take a break from full marathons for a little while. I still want to get to the 10 year club, and I will run more marathons, just not right now. Telling myself its ok to take some time off, is empowering and I feel like gives me the strength to continue training for this race.
So, right now in my training we are down to the wire. We are at our final long runs and its really getting tough. What makes it even tougher is that Kate lives in SLC and I don't really have anyone to do my long runs with. This past Saturday was my 18 and I had to do alone. I had so much anxiety about doing it alone. I didn't want to have a problem and be stuck and I didn't want to see a snake or anything like that. I literally just had nerves about everything, so the night before I literally spent way too much money on all of these supplies to makes sure I was prepared. Saturday morning rolled around and I got up at 4:30 and headed out the door. I was nervous when I started to drop water because there wasn't any other waters out, at least down lower. I kept going and as soon as my speedometer hit 18 miles, I literally pulled over, got out and started going. I was slow at first. Where I pulled over was literally in the middle of Veyo hill, but I was slow nonetheless. I had my app going on my phone and I literally just turned my music on and ran. I didn't try to make something out of it or try to teach myself a lesson, I just ran. My first 4.5 miles were slow, but I ran the whole time and I didn't even walk on the hardest part of the whole race for me (between Diamond and Dammeron, those hills are KILLER!). I did it, I ran the whole time. After I got past that section I decided to try to push myself. I usually am not competitive, but I pushed myself. It was hard, but it felt good. The goal I had set for myself wasn't easy. I had to work and I had to push, but I learned something. I learned that its ok to push yourself. So many times in a marathon people caution you not to push it, just run, you don't want to waste your energy. You'll be dead at the end. You'll regret pushing it too hard. You'll crash at the end, and the list goes on. So, I haven't really ever pushed myself. I kind of just run and know that the end is going to be hard. It just is what it is. But, I'll tell you what, pushing myself felt good. It felt empowering. It felt good to set a goal for myself and to force myself to work hard to achieve it. I needed that.
My mom came up and met me when I got into Winchester Hills, I was about 10 miles into my run. It was SO nice to run with her. I loved it. I love running with her. She is the whole reason I started running. She inspires me. She works hard. She pushes herself. She is such a motivation to me. I needed that run with her. I want to run with her more. That time with my mom is unlike any other time. I am grateful for all the runs we have done together and for that time we have spent. She lifts me up when I struggle and she can help me work harder than I even I think I can. Running with my mom is one of the best things in the whole world, and being able to finish this run with her was exactly what I needed. I hope that one day her and I can run some more marathons together. She is a much stronger runner than I am, and I am grateful that she is able to slow it down and stay with me, I know that is a hard thing to do. What a great training run it was, and just what I needed to renew my love for running. Thanks for running with me mom and for being there for me when I needed it. You are truly the best, and I love you!
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