Hayes and dad

The bond that these two have is seriously the sweetest thing. Hayes LOVES his dad, and Sam is totally obsessed with Hayes. Nothing makes a Mama's heart happier than seeing her husband and her son totally love and admire each other. Hayes knows that the weekends Dad is home and literally wants to spend the whole day on Saturday doing what Sam does. He doesn't even like me to hold him that much- he just wants Sam. 

I am so glad that Sam is such a sweet Daddy to Hayesie. 

I'm not sure who loves the carrier more, Hayes or Dad? 

First Popsicle.. He LOVED it! 

A little jogger off roading. We got lost once on a trail we use ALL the time, ya, we struggle sometimes! 

This is my MOST favorite picture of these two to date! Have you ever seen a cuter Daddy/ Hayesie combo? I sure haven't! 

Walks

I am feeling  so much better than I was on my last post. I think sometimes you just have to get things out, and then they don't seem quite so big. My sweet grandma is always looking out for me and building me up. Where we I be without sweet people in my life that build me and tell me its ok?? I can't even imagine. 

Since the weather is seriously so gorgeous, we have been spending as much time as possible out and about. On my days off, I love to take Hayes and Gator and walk. I have some favorite places to go that make me feel like I'm in a movie, they are the most darling. I like to talk to my sister Alyson along the way. She loves to talk, and its the perfect combination. Hayes gets a good little morning nap in, Gator is literally beaming, and I feel so much better. It's a lot of winning for the Weldin crew. We have quite a few interesting things we can walk by too, like an Alpaca farm! I get nervous because I'm not sure if they are nice or not, but we like to look at them. We also have cows, horses, a golf course, a stream, a candy store, a cute little family owned gas station, a fruit market, a park, an orchard, a community garden, a skate park, and so many other things we find a long the way. I give myself too much credit and call it educational. It's really nice whatever it is. 

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Don't let that face fool you, he LOVES his stroller, its the hat he hates but he so white I worry he is just going to get fried out in the sun. Better safe than sorry. 

The other day our walk was a little more eventful than usual. I am such a freak about getting attacked by dogs (probably because when I was pregnant Gator and I got attacked twice, by the same stupid dog), so I carry mace on my at all times. So, we were walking a long a pretty busy main road in our area, I was actually making a work call at the time, when a German Shepard came bolting out from a house across the busy street. I yelled "No! Go Home!" ... and kept yelling it. The dog was pretty determined and continued to bark, and started to try to cross the street towards us. I was freaking out! A truck skidded and luckily missed the dog, but got dangerously close, so the dog turned around, but tried to cross two more times. Each time it tried it almost got hit by a car. Finally, it got into the middle lane and tried to cross, by this time a line of cars had stopped to let the dog pass. Meanwhile, I am still screaming a the dog to go home... and trying to go as fast as I can in the opposite direction. The dog came up behind us, and kept barking. I got my masce out and sprayed it- it hit the dog right on the nose- the dog, literally feet away from us, hunched down pawed it's face and ran home! Whoa! Two people stopped and asked me if that dog was mine?? Seriously? Do most people mace their own dogs? I said no, and kept walking. Gator, was basically peeing his pants trying to hop into the stroller- he was terrified. I was SO glad I carry my mace. I don't know what that dog would have done had he gotten to us, and to Gator. I was shaking and freaking out for the next mile and a half home, but so glad too! I guess I'm glad I learned my lesson before. 

Most of our walks are not nearly that eventful, and man, am I glad they aren't. 

Motherhood {March 23, 2014}

I have been thinking a lot about motherhood lately. I keep finding all these things that I just have to laugh at, like the other night I was sleeping and rolled over to find a pair of baby shoes in my bed, or I was at the store looking for my wallet in my purse and pulled out 3 toy cars, or I started cleaning out my cabinets only to find a stock pile of gold fish crackers, animal cookies, fruit snacks, and baby food. It's been funny. I think I am feeling really nostalgic because Hayes is getting ready to turn one. It's a little weird to think back to what I was doing last year at this time, oh how times have changed. I slept through the night, I took a nap during the day, and I was GIGANTIC pregnant. How grateful I am to be on this end.

Being a mom is a hard thing. This may sound weird, but before Hayes was born I really thought I would be a better mom than I am. (Is that horrible?) I think I looked at it and said "I am a great aunt, I play with the kids, I teach them, I've fed them. I mean really, how much harder could it be?" I feel like I am constantly failing at being a mom. Every time Hayes gets sick or if we have a hard day, I find myself feeling disappointed with myself. I get frustrated too easily. I get lazy. I don't read to him all the time. I don't take him to the park every day. He has a messy face sometimes. His clothes get messy. He doesn't take good naps. I feed him treats. He probably spends too much time in the car running errands. I make Sam get up with him in the morning. I can't usually just rock him to sleep. I don't know how to do his hair, and the list goes on. I know that even the most perfect mom's get sick kids, or have bad days, but it feels like I should have done something better when it happens to Hayes. I feel the absolute worst when we are at home and I am (in my own definition) a lazy mom. When I sit on the couch and let him play, or let him have a messy diaper until we get home instead of changing him on the spot, I feel terrible. I lay awake at night and just beat myself up about it. I hate it, and I hate feeling like others feel the same way about me that I do.

I have to consciously tell myself, that its ok. I don't let Hayes sit in a messy diaper longer than just a few minutes, and its good for him to learn to play on his own. I supervise him and make sure he doesn't get hurt. At my core I love that kid more than I love anything else in this world, but I have to tell myself it's ok more than I care to admit. Do all mom's go through this? Do all mom's feel the constant sense of failure? It seems like when you become a mom  you gain all this additional attention and scrutiny from others as well from yourself. It's exhausting.

I love being Hayes's mama, and literally everything I do goes back to him and trying to make his life better. Even down to me getting back in shape, I use to want to get in shape for myself a, and now I want it so that I can do things with him and so he doesn't have a mom that he's embarrassed by. When I go to work, when I stay home, when I exercise, even when I eat- it literally all goes back to being a better mom for him.  I guess at the end of the day, it goes back to the old saying of "It's the thought that counts." because all of my thoughts go back to whats best for my Hayesie. I guess, I just need to hold on to that.

Life Lately {March 17, 2014}

Life lately has been a little crazy. It seems like between work, family, Hayesie, and errands my days are one big blur. They go by so quickly, I swear nearly everyday I look up and its already 4 p.m. Certain days I really appreciate how fast time is going by, but most days I feel like I am falling behind or missing something. It's not my favorite thing.

Work is work. We are super busy and I am constantly bringing things home to do, then putting them off, and getting back to work even farther behind than when I left. I did good today and worked later and actually did a project I brought home. Progress. I am glad that things are so busy, and I am really glad to have a job that makes it possible for us to do the things we want to do, and that I can still stay home for a portion of the time with Hayesie. I try not to forget how lucky I am. In the same respect though, I work REALLY hard. I put a lot of time and energy into my work, and I do my best to always do a good job. I am grateful I got trained when I did, and that I actually learned what I was taught. That has really paid off for me, and I'm grateful for that.

Hayesie is a wild man lately. He is crawling all over the place and is getting SO fast! He is absolutely a handful now. I never realized how easy he was before. He is so silly lately. He is talking so much and loves when we laugh at him. He loves when we scare him or crawl around the room and chase him. He is such a thrill seeker. He LOVES his dad lately. Today when Sam was in the shower, Hayes left all his toys in the living room, crawled all the way across the house and sat in front of the bathroom door to wait for Sam to get done. He tried to squeeze his hands under the door and tried to bang on it to tell him to hurry. He was ecstatic when Sam finally came out. He also loves when Sam sits down and eats oatmeal with him in the morning. Its like its their time, and to be perfectly honest, I am so grateful for that time because Heaven knows I need those extra minutes to wake up in the morning.

Sam is as busy as ever at work, which is such a nice thing. He has started wakeboarding again, this just worsens the boat ache. He is desperate to get one and can hardly wait until its time. He spends 90% of his free time either looking at boats or trucks, another 5% telling me his plans for the boat, and the other 5% playing with Hayes. He has a one track mind- and he has his mind, heart, soul, etc set on getting a boat. I think if we don't get one soon, he may explode. (ok I am exaggerating, but you get my point). Sam has been doing such a great job taking care of our yard. We literally have the nicest yard on the block. Sam really prides himself on keeping it nice. I planted flowers in my pots and sewed some new pillows to go on my bench. Our talents combined outside for the cutest porch ever, if I do say so myself.

I have been spending a lot of time getting things planned and going for Hayes's birthday, Disneyland, and summertime. I hope things come together for Hayes's party- my next big task is invitations. I watched my friend's little boy one day last week. He was so good, and is such a smarty. He is almost exactly 1 year older than Hayes, and I'm not joking he knows all his letters, their sounds, colors, shapes, and numbers. It was fun to have him here, and I think it was really good for Hayes to see other kids doing kid things. I was completely exhausted by the end of the day and realized I need to find more things to do to entertain him. I really appreciated my job by the end of the day. I don't think I have ever come home that exhausted from work. Props to babysitters, that is not an easy job. He will be coming again this week for one day, and then I think next week.

I am super nervous/excited for Disneyland. I think I have made about a hundred lists of what to pack. I am most worried Hayes will get sunburned/ dehydrated. I have been trying to think of a bunch of different things we can do to shade him and keep him hydrated. Traveling with a baby is a lot more work than traveling with me and my sisters. I think Hayes is going to LOVE California.

We have been trying to go spend some good quality time outside while its actually nice and we can, before we know it it will be way too hot. We have loved to go walk around the lake, walk Chuckawalla, go to the park, and Town Square. Its so nice to get out with my family and enjoy the nice weather and area. We really live in the most beautiful part of the world.

Swinging {March 4, 2014}

I took Hayes to the park today and we swung on the swings, and he loved it. He is such a thrill seeker and would get mad when we wasn't going high enough. It was one of those mom moments where I felt like I was doing something right and we were having the best time. I was in heaven. 

Life Lately {March 2, 2014}

Sundays seem like the easiest day to get caught up on blogging and pretty much everything else (or late at night when I can't sleep). I read through something online where they were talking to moms of young kids and asking them all kinds of questions. The number one thing all of them said was that they wish they are written more things down. They said they would tell themselves- "Oh, I will always remember that!" or "How could I ever forget this cute thing they did!" But you do, you forget and without it written down somewhere you won't be able to tell your kids about all the adorable things they did. I know Aly's kids LOVE when we talk about all the cute things they did when they were little. I want to be able to do that for Hayes, so here I am, again setting a goal to be a better record keeper. I would like do it more often, but I am going to shoot for once a week.

When its been good weather we have loved to take Hayes and Gator and go out to Sand Hollow Lake. It is SO beautiful out there, and with things warming up it really is so enjoyable to be out there. Hayes absolutely loves to watch Gator running and swimming and jumping in the water. He laughs and screams and gets so excited. Gator acts like he's died on gone to heaven, he is literally on cloud 9 out there. The lake does something for Sam's soul that I really just can't explain. Whenever he has been in a bad mood or really irritable, the lake is where we head. It's like it brings him back to life and back to a happy place. Seeing my family together and enjoying such a beautiful scenery does something good for my soul too. Life just feels right when we are out there, especially right now while there aren't very many people around and we can just walk on the beach and talk. It's peaceful and energizing all at the same time. Sam always says when we leave "That was the outdoors religion, and it felt good today huh!" I have to agree. Today when we went, I jogged across the dam and Sam picked me up on the other side. It felt good to be out running. I didn't make it all the way across without walking, but that will be a good goal when we go out there- my goal will be to run out and back without stopping.

Hayesie is quite the mover now and into everything. He loves to eat anything and everything he finds so I am vacuuming multiple times a day. I'm not sure how we get some many things on the ground, but that little guy finds every little piece of dust or dirt and it goes straight into his mouth. He is such a funny crawler. He can crawl normally, but its like he focuses too hard and his one leg pokes out sometimes. He looks so silly, we have lots of videos of him doing it. He is such a good little eater, but doesn't like to be fed too much- he wants to pick it up himself and feed himself. I have to be patient because he takes about 45 minutes to eat a meal. I am such a fast eater and then ready to move on, so this has been a challenge for me. What I try to do is start him eating before I start, then give him other things to eat while I clean up. This has worked pretty well I think. He still hates getting his diaper changed. He screams and straightens his body and tries to roll over and crawl away- unless we are at a diaper changing station or in the trunk of the car, then he stays still and its much easier. Weird, huh? I think when we do it on the ground or on a bed he thinks its play time and is mad I am trying to hold him down- when we are on a station or using the trunk, he knows he has to get it changed.  I should have bought a changing table- maybe for the next one.

Gator is still such a sweetie pie. Poor thing is always having to protect his tail though. Hayes thinks is such a fun toy to pull on. Gator is patient and has really been good with him. I am excited for when they are friends and Hayes stops pulling his hair.

Sam is still just busy working. His boss is having surgery and will be out for about 6 weeks. Sam is the main man while he's gone and is feeling a little nervous about that. I know he will be just fine, I think its more than anticipation of it all. He is saving for his boat and getting more and more ready to have one already. He is too logical to just bite the bullet and get one, but he can't wait until its a smarter time to buy one. We are trying to figure out our vehicle situation when we get a boat. Everyone keeps telling us his truck will be ok pulling it, but we are a little unsure. We don't want to blow up the engine going up a hill or have a huge problem.  We have put it up for sale a couple of times, but most people only want 4 wheel drive. We will most likely just have to trade it in. It's hard to get rid of it though because it has been such a good truck, and not having a car payment has been really nice, and I am sure it will be even nicer when we get a boat and have that additional expense. We have talked about getting an SUV or just a beater truck, but nothing has really felt right or been talked about too seriously. Cars are such a hard thing to know about. I think they are even more stressful that buying a house. I wish his truck could just pull the boat easily and we didn't have to worry about it, but on the other hand I do like the idea of having an SUV. It would be nice for traveling and it would make taking Gator with me so much easier. Getting Hayesie and Gator in and out of the truck by myself is not an easy task. Luckily we don't have to make any decisions right now and we can think about it for a little while longer. Being a grown up is not all its cracked up to be.

My work is still super busy and taking up a lot of my time and energy. With it being so busy, balancing life and work is much more of a challenge. I have been bringing more stuff home, and actually getting it done at home, so that really helps. I keep thinking this whole working mama thing will get easier, but truthfully its still pretty dang hard. I am constantly feeling guilty and torn. I am constantly feeling like I can't get anything 100%, and every job I do it just enough to get by. It's frustrating to have two really important things to split my time between. I have tried really hard to just be wherever I am, so if I am at work, I'm really focused on work, and if I'm at home, I try to be there enjoying all things home. That has helped, but being present is actually quite a difficult task. I hope that will lots more practice I can get really good at it.

 I have been trying to plan and get some fun things ready for summer time. I really want Hayes and me to take swim lessons. Sam wants to be the one to teach Hayes to swim, but I think the class could be a lot of fun. Hopefully we can get Sam to cave in and see its more about fun than anything. I also think I want to find a music class for him. Hayes is so drawn to music and I think it would be a lot of fun to play with other kids around his age. I think my friends will start their park group again and some other girls that live by us were talking about getting kids together to play too. I am excited for this summer when Hayes will actually want to play and want to swim, and I will feel better about getting out there too. We have already gone down to Town Square and watched the fountain. Hayes LOVED the water and I think he will have a lot of fun there. I hope we can make this summer a lot of fun.

Overall we are doing really good and just trucking a long. We have our ups and downs and things are hard sometimes, but we make it through. We have a pretty great life together and I love this little family of mine. I am one lucky mama.

Love, Kacee

These are some pictures from my mom's house today. We went over for Sunday dinner and Hayes was being is normal silly self!

Getting back into shape {February 28, 2014}

Getting back into shape after having Hayes has been quite a struggle for me. I have gained weight in such different places than I usually do, and I have lost all my stamina so its not coming off quickly at all. It has been frustrating to say the least. I am determined though. I have decided that I really want to get strong and toned more than skinny. I have always focused so much energy on loosing weight and being thin, and now my focus has shifted. I want to have muscle, and stamina. I want to be able to carry Hayes and not get tired. I want to bend and squat and lift him every where and not feel weak. I want to feel strong. I have been lifting a lot and I can feel myself getting stronger, its slow, but its coming a long. I pretty much feel sore everyday and I like that.

I am determined to run and feel strong. For the past couple of years of running I have done enough to get by and finish the race or training run, but I am tired of getting by. I want to feel good, and strong. I want to feel energized and able to finish strong, and stay strong through the whole run. Getting back into running has been hard. I feel really tired running, so I haven't pushed it. I want running to be a relief and an outlet, not a source of dread and fatigue. I am slowly trying to do more so it actually feels good.

There has been a lot of criticism lately to moms that are overweight. To me, that's frustrating and hurtful. While I was nursing Hayes, the weight literally would not come off. It didn't matter that I was exercises, I wasn't loosing. Some people bounce right back after a baby and look great or even better than they did before getting pregnant. For me, that was not the case. Any weight I have lost I have worked my butt off to loose it. I'm not saying I've done everything perfect or that there aren't things I can improve on, but I don't like that in the media right now women are attacking other women for not loosing the weight quickly enough. Its wrong, and uncalled for. Women that loose the weight quickly and get back into shape quickly are lucky and I am happy for them, but I also don't think they have any right to criticize me because it didn't work that way for me. I think everyone should cut everyone a break in that department, including ourselves. I say, do the best you can, then let it go. I like working hard and I like getting back into shape. I recognize its a process and I refuse to beat myself up because I want a treat, or if I don't go to the gym every night. I do what I can do, then I let myself be ok. It's not really that easy to tell yourself that you are ok even when you aren't physically where you want to be, but really it is ok, especially if you are working on it.

Tangent done.

Party planning for the big ONE {February 27, 2014}

I have finally nailed down what we are doing for Hayesie's first birthday party. Its going to be a Sunshine themed party. I think we will really just do desserts and snacks on Saturday afternoon at our house. I am SO excited about a sunshine theme. Here are some fun ideas I have found so far:

 

Obviously I will use more orange and yellow and instead of pink I will use teal, but I am SO excited! I think it is the perfect theme for our little ray of sunshine!

 

Oh, and can you believe its already time for a 1st birthday!!???

I am seriously in shock.  

What's that you say!!?? {February 26, 2014}

Hayesie is a little talker. It seems like he is learning and saying new words all the time. Hayes can say:

Mama
Dada
Ball
Hello and Hi
Bye
Ouch (he says Ow)
Baby (bebe)
Dog
And if you count barking as a word- he barks.

Every time my phone makes a noise he looks up and says "Hello!" He loves to facetime Sam and says Hello the whole time it rings- then once he answers, Hayes stays silent until its time to go then he waves and says "Bye!"

He LOVES to bark at dogs, every time he hears a dog bark- he barks back. He has also started barking and yelling "Hey!" and other babies we see. hahaha It gets a little embarrassing when the moms think Hayes is yelling at their child- so we just laugh and wave and pretend like its totally normal that Hayes is yelling at them. Such a character!

My favorite thing is when he sees pictures of himself when he was littler, he points and says "Bebe" hahaha (at least that's what it sounds like to me). I also really love when he says Hello! Its adorable!

The doggie door {February 24, 2014}

Hayes is officially on the move. His crawling is so funny. He can crawl normally now, but its like he forgets and half way through he straightens his left leg(the one he broke) and starts scooting around. He LOVES that he can move around and is drawn to any tiny little leave or piece of grass he finds on the ground (he loves to eat lint too) and cords. He LOVES cords. He finds cords in places I never even realized had cords, its a talent really. He also loves knobs.

Just the other day he found the doggie door. He hasn't figured out that he can crawl through it yet, but he sure loves to push and pull the flap. This freaks Gator right out. Hayes loves to wait by the door and when Gator comes through he pushes him back out. Hayes thinks this is SO FUNNY. He laughs every time. Gator on the other hand is confused and gets a little irritated when he is ready to come in.

One day Gator and Hayes will play really well together- for Gator's sake I hope that's soon. The poor thing spends almost his whole day either running away from Hayes, getting his hair pulled by Hayes, or getting pushed back through the doggie door. He's a trooper though.

 

 

 

 

 



Hayes and teething {February 21, 2014}

Oh man, this is a tough topic because Hayes's teething has been out of control lately. The past night or two he has had a fever and been a little under the weather from these crazy teeth coming in. He already has 6 teeth, but must be growing about 20 more. He has turned into such a crazy little biter. He LOVES to bit shoulders and arms. His little razors can cause some damage. My shoulders always have at least three bruises on them.

I flick his cheek or put him down when he bites, but nothing is really helping very much. I hope this little phase ends soon because I am going to look like someone is beating me up before too much longer. He laughs when you yell "Ouch!" so now he has started to say "Ow!" Its actually really cute, but makes me kind of mad at him for biting so much. Silly like boy.

The dog food incident {February 20, 2014}

We had a rough night last night, Hayes got up quite a few times and was pretty hard to get back to sleep. He's teething and running a fever at night and I think its also making his ears hurt. So, needless to say I am a pretty tired mama. This morning Hayes got up pretty early and was ready to be up for the day, so I took him in the living room spread out the toys and laid back on the couch for a minute. I watched him play and tried to rest up for another long day of teething and biting. I must have dozed off for a bit because I woke up to the sound of Gator's dog bowl hitting the floor. I looked over to find Hayes with two fists full of dog food, and Gator crouched in corner looking pretty upset. I rush over and get the food out of his clenched fists, and cleaned up, then to my horror, I realized there is something in his mouth. I swipe my finger through, and sure enough, I pull out a half eaten piece of dog food. I think this is actually the point Gator lost it. He cried a little and looked at me like "You're going to replace that right??!!" Hahaha Hayes was pretty mad I took away his "treats". I was horrified and felt terrible- first and foremost for sweet Gator feeling so upset Hayes jacked his food, and secondly that I let my 10 month old eat dog food.

I was so embarrassed and didn't tell anyone for a few hours.

After Sam got off work I told him about what had happened. He asked Hayes "Did you eat dog food today buddy?" Hayes didn't answer.. so then Sam asked him "Did you like the dog food?" Hayes answered this time with a very loud and enthusiastic "Ya!" We all laughed, except Gator, and lets be real, Hayes laughed but he really didn't know why. :)

I am pretty sure Gator is wants to live at my moms now.

(I didn't want to post this because I feel so terrible as a mom, but it is a pretty funny memory now) :)