Getting back into shape {February 28, 2014}

Getting back into shape after having Hayes has been quite a struggle for me. I have gained weight in such different places than I usually do, and I have lost all my stamina so its not coming off quickly at all. It has been frustrating to say the least. I am determined though. I have decided that I really want to get strong and toned more than skinny. I have always focused so much energy on loosing weight and being thin, and now my focus has shifted. I want to have muscle, and stamina. I want to be able to carry Hayes and not get tired. I want to bend and squat and lift him every where and not feel weak. I want to feel strong. I have been lifting a lot and I can feel myself getting stronger, its slow, but its coming a long. I pretty much feel sore everyday and I like that.

I am determined to run and feel strong. For the past couple of years of running I have done enough to get by and finish the race or training run, but I am tired of getting by. I want to feel good, and strong. I want to feel energized and able to finish strong, and stay strong through the whole run. Getting back into running has been hard. I feel really tired running, so I haven't pushed it. I want running to be a relief and an outlet, not a source of dread and fatigue. I am slowly trying to do more so it actually feels good.

There has been a lot of criticism lately to moms that are overweight. To me, that's frustrating and hurtful. While I was nursing Hayes, the weight literally would not come off. It didn't matter that I was exercises, I wasn't loosing. Some people bounce right back after a baby and look great or even better than they did before getting pregnant. For me, that was not the case. Any weight I have lost I have worked my butt off to loose it. I'm not saying I've done everything perfect or that there aren't things I can improve on, but I don't like that in the media right now women are attacking other women for not loosing the weight quickly enough. Its wrong, and uncalled for. Women that loose the weight quickly and get back into shape quickly are lucky and I am happy for them, but I also don't think they have any right to criticize me because it didn't work that way for me. I think everyone should cut everyone a break in that department, including ourselves. I say, do the best you can, then let it go. I like working hard and I like getting back into shape. I recognize its a process and I refuse to beat myself up because I want a treat, or if I don't go to the gym every night. I do what I can do, then I let myself be ok. It's not really that easy to tell yourself that you are ok even when you aren't physically where you want to be, but really it is ok, especially if you are working on it.

Tangent done.